confessions of a twenty something nothing

Somewhere in the early 80s, the Smurfs came Smurfin into T.V land.

I grew up watching the Smurfs on Saturday mornings.

I lived for the Smurfs.

The Smurfs, named for their personalities, inhabited a village of mushroom houses in an enchanted forest.

These loveable creatures were led by Papa Smurf and lived carefree… except for one major threat to their existance: Gargamel, an evil but inept wizard who lived in a stone-built house in the forest; and his feline companion, the equally nasty Azrael.

I remember how the Smurfs would use the word, “Smurf” – as a noun, adjective, verb, and/or present adjectival participle. I would laugh and laugh:

• Brainy Smurf:”Now Now! We all need to smurf down!”
• Papa Smurf: “Run, Smurfs! We have to Smurf to higher grounds!”
• Papa Smurf: “Lets all have a smurfy day!”
• “Smurf-a-roo!”
• Jokey Smurf: “Isn’t this smurfy?”
• Papa Smurf: “Nature Smurf, this time your love of animals has gone too far.”
   Smurfs are naturally all males and do not reproduce (which explains why they come to the world by a stork). Thank goodness! Because that would be a problem for poor Smurfette.

To answer the age old question, when a smurf is choked, it turns yellow.

With 24 acts of intercourse and tons of kinky fuckery, “50 Shades of Grey,” is fun for all!

Teens, Moms and even Old women love Christian Grey.

(No really, old women are reading this book. About sex. Gross)

Not to mention, men.

Men LOVE this book because it gets them lots of action.

Lots and lots of action while their wives pretend that they are someone else. AWESOME!

If you don’t mind really unrealistic love stories with plenty of spanking, go get “50 Shades of Grey!”

This book will make you lose your shit!

Ever since my handsome ginger fiancé, Chris, proposed in January, people have been on our case about when we are going to tie the knot. Of course I know that this has nothing to do with them caring about our lifetime of happiness, and everything to do with a free steak. Not to mention, open bar. At every family gathering (his and mine), we are always put in the most awkward of situations when people make this the topic of conversation. Apparently, everyone just can’t wait to get their corny ”Save the Date” magnet. We just look at each other, shrug and smile. Truthfully, we don’t really see the rush in spending what could be a down payment on a house on a 6 hour party. We have our whole lives to party, right? And as much as I love Disney, I am not a princess. I also look terrible in white.

Here’s some good responses I’d love to say but can’t:

• “We’re pretty happy with status quo right now. Maybe we’ll have a shot gun wedding if I accidentally get pregnant though….”

• “Just because you found it necessary to put on a show in front of your friends and family, doesn’t mean I want to be a circus poodle in a white dress”

And finally:

• “We want to wait until we’re really ready and don’t want to rush into getting married just because we’re in our late 20’s. Not that I think YOU did that.”

Long story short. You can love someone and know that they’re your soul-mate without being in a rush to show off to your family and friends. Besides if we ever happen to come up with 50k, we’d rather just go on a month long vacation to Europe.

Haiku Wednesday has never been better:

A Love, pure and true

Together in heart disease,

Gluttony and joy